Several tips focus on attitudes, body gestures, how to dress or decisions on what to eat, whether or not to drink liquor, etc. But what about the fundamental conversation? How can a date continue unless it is with good dialogue? Jeremy Nicholson, social psychologist, with research on influence and persuasion in love relationships, wrote an essay on the impact of a pleasant and interesting talk during the first date. His studies were based on an investigation with students of the University of Stanford in which more than 1,000 audios of dates of 4 minutes were recorded. The researchers asked the students with which of the date they had felt connected in that short period and analyzed the audios of the conversation. According to the results, men and women felt a greater connection with dating that shared things about themselves, rather than asking and answering a lot of questions. In particular, people clicked using “I”, but not in a selfish way but to give firm statements about what they think. “They stop saying something vague and they are concrete in their thinking and that projects confidence,” says the study. When they tell some of their stories and show passion, enthusiasm and emotion, the conversation becomes fluid and they become more interesting. As a result, Nicholson published 4 tips for men and women to make an emotional connection, either loving or friends, in these meetings.
- Share what you know
Instead of asking questions, tell something about yourself. Your passions, what you know how to do. Say some opinions about a particular topic that might interest both of you. Yes, try to moderate in the speech because otherwise you can sound narcissistic.
- Tell a short story
Think it’s a story that maybe that person can tell someone else. Having for a moment the word, free the other person to think about what to ask and you can detail yourself better and listen to what you are. What fun thing happened to you last week? What has been the most interesting part of your work?
- Show yourself enthusiastic
Or at least it does not look like you’re bored. Listen, interact, talk, ask what is necessary for the first date. Varies the tone of your voice and volume. Laugh if the occasion is given. Sometimes by having a correct attitude, we go through flat people.
- Shows appreciation for what the other says
Listen to your date. Show empathy for what you say, if it is the case, or express your opinion about what you just said. That shows that you are following the conversation. Everyone likes to be heard.
Photo by Jep Gambardella: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-couple-embracing-each-other-while-sitting-on-the-couch-5086788/